Crappy day

Well I talked to my hubby twice yesterday. He is doing well and ready to come home. We are ready for him to be here. The neighborhood is seeing a lot of the guys coming back. I am elated to see all the people that I know closely rejoined with their families. I want it to be my turn and I know it will be in a few short weeks. So far there have been 6 reunions and one is scheduled for tomorrow. It is always nice to see everyone so happy and alive again.

I started out the day with a very graphic nightmare. Someone I don't know who was beating the shit out of me, but I was holding my own until they cut my throat. I woke up to the dogs having chewed one of my sons shoes. I have been in and out of the house all day all the noises are messing with me. To many sounds and my eyes start to tear up like I am going to cry. I am angry today and not very socialble today.

Almost over

Well I got to instant message my hubby in the wee hours of the morning. We are definitely under a month till his return. I am so happy!!!! I almost started crying this morning. My husband has a myspace account and he had added a friend that I know is in his guys, so I clicked on it. Some of the pics he had up were cute, just snapshots of his time in Iraq. One pic in particular upset me. It was a picture of one of my husband's company vehicles that got hit by something, and all I could wonder is if this was the one that he lost his hearing in. I know that is dwelling on something bad, but until then I had not seen any of my husband's vehicles damaged. It was selective protection of myself. I didn't want to know. This one snuck up on me and brought me to a halt for a bit. My husband has regained most if not all of his hearing from what he tells me. He was lucky and in turn I was lucky. I will be glad when all of this is over and there are no more pictures of blown up vehicles and calls that we have lost another of our guys. Thank goodness our turn in the giant kitty litter box is almost over. I will continue to pray for all of our soldiers in the desert.

Taking things day by day

Well I talked to my husband again this morning. He is doing well and wants to come home. We are not fighting like I expected over what is going on with our oldest son. My husband seems to be starting to accept what is going on. About a month left until my husband touches U.S. soil again, I can't wait. I feel incomplete without him here.

My son finally started school. That didn't go over as planned. The first day he had a major meltdown over our kitten being sick. The school still didn't have his official diagnosis so they were unable to know what to do to help him. I had to call Vanderbilt Hospital 3 days in a row to get the paperwork that the school needed faxed to them, and it still didn't have the diagnostic information that the school wanted. Luckily my son had an appointment with his Dr. in Clarksville and she provided the diagnosis. My son is officially Asberger's and Bipolar. I don't know how the two are going to work together, but we as a family will take things a day at a time. My twins seem to be dealing with everything going on around them in stride.

As for me I am hanging on. I had a scare with my kitten Persnickity on Mon. night. He was very sick running 106 temp. The vet gave me some antibiotics and told me if he wasn't better in three days I needed to consider putting him to sleep because he was so sick. Luckily he seems to be coming back to one hundred percent. This issue on top of everything else right now was enough to make me crack for awhile. I am taking care of Persnick and trying to gain as much info as I can concerning my son so I can help him the best way possible.

Well he stays

I talked to my husband today and his higher ups say he has to stay with his guys. I guess they need him more than his family does. I didn't really expect him to be able to come home, but it sure would have been nice. My son is doing ok, he was supposed to start school today but that fell through. He has to stay away from a particular student and the school has to reajust his schedule with that in mind. The other 2 are doing ok in school. They are both making new friends. I am still trying to get a handle on everything somedays I do a better job other days I do a crappy job. Right now I am angry with the school that my son went to last year, because I went to them and asked for help concerning my son. They turned me away and now I know that my son is autistic. Evidentially you have to ask in just the right manner or they send you away like they did me last year and my son got the short end of the stick because of this.

Coming to an end

Hopefully today I will be able to find out if my husband is coming home. He has a meeting with the higher ups to decide. My son has been released from the hospital. He was released on Wednesday actually, but we were trying to start readjusting. We have a definite diagnosis my son is Autistic. The Dr's say he has Asbergers, which is a high functioning autism. Now that I have a diagnosis I have to start doing research so that I am up on what I can do to help my son to get through life with as few a struggles as possible. Having the diagnosis has taken a weight off of me not knowing what was going on with my son. He is getting back into regular life just fine. He is going to start 6th grade either mon. or tue. I have already talked to the special education teacher yesterday, she seemed very nice and understanding of the fact that this is all new to us as a family. I think that we will all be just fine we just need to do some reajusting is all.

Starting out down

I woke up down this morning. I got word yesterday that my son won't be able to come home until Thursday or Friday. Which is upsetting to me in itself,but what really got me is that my son is set on coming home today. He called me last night and was all excited because he was coming home today. I called the nurses to see if this was true, I had already been told he wasn't going to be home today, they said no and as far as I know my son hasn't been told that he has to remain there. I get to go see him for 15 minutes this morning. I want to see him but I also want him to be able to come home. The dr's are still running tests on him. Then on top of that I am still waiting to hear if my husband is gonna be coming home or not. I doubt he will but this waiting for the answer is weighing on me. Right now I have to many things in the air. I don't know if I am coming or going.

Small update

I got to see my son yesterday and he looks well. The dr's have said that he is eating well. So far we don't have a diagnosis yet, but the dr's at Vanderbilt are trying to find out what is going on in my sons head. My son called me tonight and said he should be home sometime Wednesday. He is ready to be home with the other kids and I. I finally talked to my husband. He knows what is going on and he is not happy, but he wants our son to be happy. I have dispatched a red cross message to my husband. He wants to be home to get to the bottom of this, he wants to stop me. He thinks that there is nothing wrong with our son. I seriously doubt he will be allowed to come home as this is not a life or death situation. We shall wait and see what happens. I am getting pretty good with this waiting thing.

First day

Today is a first day for a couple of things. First off today is the first day of my twins 5th grade year. They are excited, but also a little stressed. They want to make a good impression on the first day. I know they will do fine they are great kids. Today is also the first day I get to see my oldest son since he went into the treatment program. I have talked to his Dr's and nurse's multiple times, I even got to talk to my son last night. He is angry with me, scared, and really confused. Right now all he knows is that he is in a strange place with strange people. I am holding up fairly well. I am having crying jags off and on, but I haven't broken which is a good thing. I keep looking to the good that will come out of this situation. If we can get a handle on whatever is going on in my sons head now it will stop some of the heartache down the road. What I am putting him though and going through myself is the lesser pain in the long run is the way I see it. I have been doing a lot of soul searching since this started to unfold and have come to realize that my son was not made this way because of something in me or something I did. He is the way he is because this is how God created him. Nomatter what my son is still a gift from God and is loved. We will come through this and be stronger for it.

As I sit here

As I sit in my house typing this entry the only thing that is truly on my mind right now is concern for my child. At his Dr's apt. Yesterday he had a phycotic break. He is now in a treatment facility for the next 5-7 days. I know that he is in the best place for people to help him. He is not a bad child, he just needs some extra help. I don't know what is causing his problems but I know they are there. I keep most of his mental issues close to home so that no one looks poorly on my son. He is just a child trying to deal with adult issues in his mind. I am 32 and still struggle from day to day. I can only imagine what it is like for him in his mind everyday. Allowing him to be placed in the hospital is the hardest thing as a parent I have ever done. He is alone and scared right now. I only want him to be happy and I can't do that alone. I don't care what people say about me as a person, but DO NOT judge my son without knowing what is going on with him. He is a child and deserves to be treated like any other child with love and understanding. I am heartbroken that I had to walk out of that hospital last night without my oldest child, but my mind if not my heart knows that these people should be able to help me find the child I know is in there.

Thank you

First off I want to say thank you to the people who have left comments of understanding. Sometimes I have wondered if anyone was reading what I have to say. I know that I am not alone in anything I do. There are other deuces wives and other bipolar individuals, but sometimes I think I am alone with the things that I struggle with. It is nice to reassured sometime though, so thank you.

Today was a hard day. My oldest son is not doing well, I don't know what to do to help him. I am worried for him. I know that people look at me strange when they find out I am bipolar. I don't want to see my son looked on like he is an alien or something if it turns out he has a physiological problem. He is a child he didn't do anything to be the way he is. First and foremost he is my child and I want to protect him from stupid people. I know I can't, but I can show him how to raise his head up and walk on by these people.

Torqued

I know that my husband will be home in just a few short weeks, but I am a little torqued at him. It is not enough stress on my plate with the issues with my oldest son, my own issues, and getting ready for the reintergration. I now have to worry about my man chatting up women on the internet. I know that he wont cheat on me but it still he is causing me pain. Luckily I have been placed on the old meds that at least kept me somewhat stable, so I can keep myself from flying off the handle at him. I know he is lonely in Iraq and I understand that. I am lonely over here waiting for him to come home to the kids and I, but I am not going and chatting guys up on the internet. The only man that I want to chat up is my hubby. So needless to say today is not starting well for me and I have to spend the day at the dr's office with appts for me and my child. Yeehaw time for tears again I just love the fact that I am so freaking emotional.